No Buts

 

I have a friend called Charis and she is a good friend because she says things to me like:

“You need to go to bed earlier.”

and;

“Now, you see, there’s the problem. If ‘OK, I’ll go to bed at midnight’ is your answer, you are going to bed too late.”

She’s right, of course. I have reached the point where going to bed at 10pm sounds about as absurd to me as going to bed at 7.

The thing is, though my mind is exploding and full of wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh, it’s also full of “Oh god I have to book my driving test and call the opticians and contact the theatre and find where Mencap is based in Reading and organise my summer and go to the Post Office and find a job and OH GOD WHERE IS THE JOB GOING TO COME FROM.”

And even though I’m looking forward to all those things (well, not the driving test), I also kind of love being an unemployed gap year student who can wake up at noon, eat two bowls of cereals, play guitar for three hours, look outside the window, play the Wikipedia game, write a dozen letters, hoover the house and consider that all a day’s graft.

At the same time I can feel that I’m running on empty: my money decreases almost daily (the bus fare is crazily expensive so add ‘pump up the bike’ to my to-do list); my time to plan a summer and get things moving is slipping away; and I’m worried that I’ll lose all that wonderful momentum if I sit around twiddling my guitar strings for too long.

So thank you Charis. For telling me what I needed to be told by someone other than my mum.

EUGH RESPONSIBILITY SUCKS.